If you’re like me, you have a handful of meds you take every morning. This is just a quick post, but in case you forgot today, remember to take them and, most importantly, take care of yourself!
I don’t know when you’ll read this, but it doesn’t matter, because everything I’m about to say will hold true through the test of time.
You’re my best friend. Not only the only one who understands me, but also the one patient enough to comfort me at my lowest!
I know I upset you when I’m suicidal, and I’m sorry, but please know that you’re one of the only things making me choose life. There is no greater gift than simply the will to live, and you’ve given that back to me.
Thank you for all that you’ve done. It has not gone unnoticed. You are loved beyond imagination, and I will always be by your side, I promise.
I love you so much baby.
Meditation has been shown to have many benefits as far as mental health goes, showing reductions in depression and anxiety among other negative feelings. We all know how good it is; a million blog posts will let you know.
But let me let you in on a secret.
I hate meditation.
I find it mind numbingly boring. I find it impossible to sit still. My ADHD tells me I need to get up and do something. But I still want to reap the benefits of regular meditation.
So I took up something new – walking meditation. You focus on your breath and the feeling of your feet hitting the ground, similar to what one would do in normal meditation, but you’re moving, getting exercise, and get to keep your eyes open! I’ve been much more successful with meditation using this method than the traditional method. After all, it’s all about mindfulness, and as long as you’re practicing that, you’re giving your brain the same “exercise” it gets while meditating.
The link below is a good example of a guided walking meditation that you can try right now, no matter where you are. Enjoy!
Sometimes that’s what we need. For someone to tell us that it’s all going to be alright. Especially for those of us with anxiety. And what better way to do this than through song? So below, I made a short list of songs to make you feel better.
1. Float On – Modest Mouse
2. Gonna Be Ok – Chris Rene
3. Breathe – Jonny Diaz
So I wanted to start off my first blog post saying: Hi, I’m Matty and I’m a train wreck of emotions. Some of my posts will be rants while others will be analytical essays. This one will be an analytical essay of one of my favorite video game series of all time… Dark Souls. Now some of you might be saying, “Matty, what in the hell does this have to do with mental health?” Well, that’s where I’m getting at. I have… depression. God, saying the word just makes me gag. Depression sucks but you probably already knew that. No one wants to deal with it and it’s even worse when you have no one you can talk to about it. There was a time, before Lexi and I got together, where video games were my only friend. I found solace in video games. Games that made me feel some sort of emotion. Games that I could sit down and play and get invested into the worlds they had to offer and forget about all the problems in my head for just a few hours and just focus on this game I’m playing right now.
Dark Souls… Saved me. In fact, most recently, the third game helped me when I was going through a rough patch. I had lost a good friend of mine, my girlfriend at the time left me for someone who I thought was my friend, and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. School was getting to me and I swear to god, I never felt more alone in my life. But there was Dark Souls.
Dark Souls is a depressing game. Your player character is a cursed undead branded by the mark of the undead, cursed to die over and over and over again until they are drained of their humanity and become a hollow. To become a hollow in Dark Souls is to become a shell of your former self. The more you die in Dark Souls the hollower you become. And trust me, you will die in Dark Souls, a lot. This may even cause you to never want to play again because of its extreme difficulty but that’s what I love about it. Dealing with depression is difficult. Like Dark Souls, you deal with depression by fighting or giving up. To fight is to push forward, and maybe even succeed, but to give up is to accept defeat, die and never play again. The game will punish you, but it also encourages you to keep going and try again and bring in friends to help you fight. Dark Souls almost seems to be an allegory for depression, and you know what, it is.
You have support in this life, you have people who care about you. Even when all hope seems lost, you do have people you can talk to. Just like Dark Souls, this world is a cruel and uncaring place but we can all tackle the hardships together. Talk to people, go out with friends, meet new people and don’t be afraid to talk about how you’re feeling even when you feel like no one will understand.
Goodbye for now then. Be safe friends… Don’t go hollow.
So it’s World Suicide Prevention Day. And that’s a good thing to bring awareness to.
But how does one actually help the cause? I’ve seen a lot of posting of the suicide prevention hotline, and that’s all fine and dandy. Maybe some people aren’t aware that there’s help like that out there.
But here’s the truth.
Most of us are.
So posting it won’t help the vast majority of viewers. Instead you should make yourself available personally to talk to, and more importantly, treat others like you would like to be treated. Practice this in your everyday life, not just on Suicide Prevention Day.
It’s that simple.
This is a bit off topic, but still has to do with feelings and my mental well being so I suppose it still works for this blog.
To start us off, I’ll explain my predicament. I went to a Christian university as an atheist because it was close to home. I couldn’t leave home because I had to stay near our beloved coauthor (and my boyfriend) Matty, and also my severe anxiety put up a fight when it came to the idea of me leaving the nest. So I went to a Christian college.
How does it feel? It feels a little bit alienating. But it’s mostly just boring. I have to go to chapel every few days and I take an Old Testament class, both of which are mind-numbingly boring.
Do I regret my decision? No. I don’t fit in, but I have my boyfriend by my side. And that makes up for everything I have to put up with here. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for those you love.
If you’re facing the same decision, do it if you have good reason and just tough it out. But otherwise, go somewhere else, because you certainly will not feel a sense of belonging at the college, and I wish I had that. Nothing against my college, it’s just not the best place for me.
Good luck to anyone currently picking a college. Make good choices.